Never alone

My first Christian worship was when I watched the Nuqui-Eugenio kids perform. I really tried my best not to cry because the last time the kids saw me, I wept so hard they got worried. But I wasn't able to control it...so I wept...discreetly this time. I cried because the worship was just so overwhelming. The songs, the people, the sermon...everything about it was just so refreshing...so alive...i felt alive despite all the things my family and I have been going through.

The lesson of the worship was that there is no need to worry because God will always be there. Whatever happens, God is present. He knows what we need and He will provide those needs.

People often reassure those with problems that despite God not being able to answer their prayers immediately...God will answer...when the time is right. He knows when to give it and how to give it because He knows what is best for us.

That is why...I just feel so blessed. The past few months have been the lowest moments of my life and God never failed to immediately provide me with what I need. Every time I call for Him, He lets me feel his presence...He lets me know His there and that I am never alone. It is as if He really broke me to make me realize that love from other people is not enough. Love from oneself is not enough. Only His love can fill us. He is the only one who can make us happy.

When someone dear to me left me, I tried to fill up the love that was lost with the love given by my friends and family . At that time, I gave everything to that someone that I had nothing left for myself. I was never alone. I was afraid I might hurt myself because I just don't love myself enough to stay alive. Everyday...I went out with friends. I stayed up until 3 in the morning and wake up around 6am and still...I never felt tired. It actually felt as if I never slept at all. Hours between 3am to 6am were the darkest for me. Sure, I can be with my friends. My family can keep me company. But every time I go home...every time I go to bed...I am still alone.

That is when I realized that people is not always going to be there for me. I realized that there will be times that I will be alone. I cried and cried. I just did not know what to do that eventually, I wept to God and told Him, "I can't do this alone".

God immediately answered my prayer by sending me an Angel. She made me feel special at a time when I felt like garbage. She made me feel loved at a time when I had no love for myself. She sent me, Isaiah 43:1-4…verses that guided me towards the right direction.

Fear not for I have redeemed you, I summoned you by  your name, you are mine. When you pass through waters I will be with you, and when you pass through rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through fire you will not be burned, the flames will not be sent ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you and people in exchange for your life.

Days after, the Angel convinced me to attend a crossroads seminar. And at that seminar, I met more angels. They made me feel so welcome and so special. They always let me know that they are there and most importantly, that God is always there.

At a weekly YACIES seminar with the angels, one of them told me to read Psalms when I am depressed...so when that time came, I opened the Bible and asked God to point me to the right verses. And again, my prayers were immediately answered.

I closed my eyes and leafed through the pages of Psalms. When I opened my eyes...God gave me these perfect verses, Psalms 6:1-10

O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger nor discipline me in your wrath. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing. Heal me O Lord for my bones are troubled. But O Lord, HOW LONG? Turn O Lord deliver my life. Save me for the sake of your steadfast love. For in death there is no remembrance of you in Sheol, who will give you praise?

I AM WEARY WITH MOANING. EVERY NIGHT  I FLOOD MY BED WITH TEARS. I DRENCH MY COUCH WITH WEEPING. MY EYE WASTES AWAY WITH GRIEF. IT GROWS WEAK BECAUSE OF ALL MY FOES.

Depart from me all you workers of evil for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea. The Lord accepts my prayers. All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly trouble. They shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

God gave me the perfect verse, the perfect plea, the perfect prayer at a time when I thought no words could ever express what I felt.

These are just some of my experiences that give credence to claims that God answers. God is always with us and there is no need to worry.

Maubusan ka man ng pera, iwan ka man ng lahat…God will provide you what you need at the right place and time. You just have to call Him. You just have to believe in Him and hold onto Him.

Today, our bank loan was approved. The money will be released on Thursday…a day before my father’s checques will be due. Weeks before, the bank said they are not sure if the loan will be approved. If my father doesn’t get the money, his checques will all bounce…so for weeks, we worried and worried and worried. My father got depressed. He even lost the drive to go to Church.

God provided…just in time so that my father could pay our debts.

When I told my dad the good news, I said, “See…there was no need to worry. God answers. God provides.”